How to Tell Your Children about Divorce?
by: jameswalsh
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And yet, it is not sufficient to just be aware of your parental responsibilities or simply love your children. It’s equally important to convey your feelings to your kids; so they experience the level of concern and love you feel for them.
Have a Plan
It will be good if you and your spouse sit together and have an honest and frank discussion regarding the details of your divorce. It is very important to be clear about the issues concerning children such as the parenting plan, child custody and visitation arrangements. Try to workout a plan about how you intend to inform your children regarding the impending divorce and the post divorce arrangements. This will protect your children from being exposed to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Making a sincere attempt to streamline your children’s future in a post divorce scenario will go a long way in ensuring a positive co-parenting relationship between the two of you.
Face It Together
Set aside a time to hold a family meeting with your children and as far as possible, try to face this situation as a couple. A cooperative attitude on the part of both the parents will send a positive message to the children. They will feel assured that both the parents care about them and no matter what happens, they will always be there for them. This will also teach the children that it is normal and alright to talk about problems with family members. However, if you feel that there is a possibility of conflict and confrontation between you two, then it is preferable that whoever plays the main parenting role breaks this news to the children.
What to Tell Your Children
Try to be calm and patient. In simple words, inform your children about the problems between the two of you and the possibility of a divorce. Explain to them, what it means and how it will influence their lives. Convey to them, what arrangements you have made for them and assure them that their basic needs will be met under all circumstances. Tell them that it is the differences between you two, which are responsible for this divorce and they are in no way to be blamed for it. Also tell them how a divorce will influence their life and daily routine and how both the parents will continue to play an important role in their lives.
Be Honest
It is important to be honest with your children right from the start. Try to be as truthful as possible, after taking into consideration their age and level of maturity. Help them realize that your divorce is final and in no way can this decision be altered or changed. However, it is impractical to load them with every sordid detail. It will only add to their confusion. Talk to them about the future arrangements and possibilities in a realistic manner and avoid making any false promises and commitments. Do not ever try to use your children for seeking emotional support. Remember that they are too young for this and are already going through a tough situation.
How Your Children May React
The reaction of a child to a divorce depends upon a number of factors such as the age of the child, gender, level of maturity, relationship with both the parents and individual temperament. Children between the ages of six to nine are the most vulnerable segment and may respond by exhibiting withdrawal symptoms, aggression, regressive behaviour, anger or depression. They may end up holding themselves responsible for the parental divorce. Teenagers often respond by denying their parents’ divorce and refusing to accept reality. In general, no matter the age of the child, he/she will have a lot of questions and self doubts.
How You Can Help
Try to respond to the children’s questions and queries in a realistic and sympathetic manner. Encourage them to come out with their fears and doubts. Try to allay their anxiety regarding abandonment and desertion. Repeatedly assure them of your love and affection. Help them realize that you understand their feelings and pain. Allow them to freely express their views and opinions. An open and understanding attitude on your part will help them get over their fears in a positive manner
About the Author
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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