Five Ways to Recover Self-Esteem Following a Bad Divorce
by: jameswalsh
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Word Count: 865
People who have undergone a divorce can be classified into two broad groups – the winners and the losers. It sounds incredibly harsh, but life is like that. If you can get over the divorce and accept what has happened to you, you are a winner. It means you have learnt something out of the whole mess, and that is what you are going to carry forward with you. And even if you can find yourself another partner immediately, only to repeat the old story all over again, you are a loser. Your experience has given you nothing, or is it that you have not wanted to look at it too closely?
Five Easy Ways to be Sadder
Let us take the case of Mr. A and Mr. B. They are both divorcees. Mr. A seems to be the winner, he has got a beautiful girlfriend, has got the better financial deal, and his children don’t bug him too much. Mr. B is more gloomy than a foggy London morning, and weeps after each of his weekend visits to his children. One year down the line, Mr. A has no partners again and his kids have given up on him. Mr. B has started dating tentatively, and has a very well-regulated life. The visits have worked out and everyone looks forward to it. The moral of this fable is ‘all that glitters is not gold’.
Let us now consider this list.
· You are depressed. The easiest thing is to slide into a haze of booze and drugs. But the next morning, you will be left with an empty pocket and a stiff hangover.
· You don’t know what to say to the kids. So you just avoid them. Over time, there is a wall of hate and mistrust, and all you can do is grieve over your folly.
· You want to show the world you are absolutely fine. So you can start to shop like there is no tomorrow, go serial dating, take a trip to Las Vegas and spend the maintenance money in one night. But the emptiness inside will not fill up.
· Work is the best medicine. So you can work yourself out till you have a heart attack or go into depression.
· The easiest thing for those who break up over an affair is to marry immediately. That is a mistake for which Britain is paying with its hiking repeat divorce rates. You are about to make some more people sad again, so think twice before you walk down that aisle.
Harder but Better Ways
The only way to get over an acrimonious divorce is to find other, more positive, and definitely harder ways to get on with life. The list below shows five such solutions.
Managing Your Life Again
You can start by taking stock of the situation. Your ship has been wrecked, you hate everyone including yourself, and feel like strangling your ex-spouse. If you keep brooding about it, the script will not change. You have to start with the small things, such as cleaning your house, doing the laundry, and taking care of the way you look. Look at yourself in the mirror. You know it’s all your spouse’s fault, but it is time for a thorough introspection if you want to start afresh.
Old Hobbies, New Discoveries
Take up an old hobby, and if you are too fat to swim or don’t fancy clay modeling anymore, discover new ones. Watching the television all day does not qualify as hobby. The same applies to surfing all day on the net. Any addiction is bad because it makes you weak and dependent.
Working through It
Channelise the anger within into something else. Work hard, but not for endless hours. Don’t scream at your colleagues, but try to win them over instead. Take up yoga, pump iron, and run in the mornings. A new strength will be born in you.
Support Systems
You are not alone in the world. There are divorce support groups where you can share your experience, and get over it with others. There is nothing ‘sissy’ about it.
Getting Back in the Circle
Start dating again only when you are ready. Human beings should not be equated with opium. Take your time, and think before you commit your heart again. You can try with pure friendship -- it is a wonderful healer.
About the Author
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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